Hazrat Inayat Khan
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We have fond memories of Kamae Amrapali.
Like all, we are grateful that she is relieved of her earthly chores and the
pain in her body, emotions and heart.
Below we pasted some memories of her. We have many more and will keep those
in our heart.
How Kamae Amrapali met the dances
This is how we remember Kamae Amrapali met the Dances.
She told how she was looking for meaning in her life and went to see the
movie Sunseed, a movie focusing on different spiritual teachers. She duly
watched the different gurus come by and her heart jumped when it was Samuel
Lewis’ turn. She knew she had found her teacher.
But then the movie showed his funeral. She mumbled: ‘Shit!’
We’ll never forget how, so many years later, she recalled that very moment
and managed to bring back all disappointment from then in this one word. In
her own inimitable Kamae-way.
Nonetheless she set course to San Francisco.
The rest is history and now Kamae is part of the worldwide Dance family and
its history.
Appear as you are
The Sufi mystic Bayazid of Bestam said: ‘Either you appear as you are or you
are as you appear.’
A hard one to follow, but Kamae Amrapali comes a long way. She wasn’t known
to present herself other than she was.
We are in Bilthoven, the Netherlands. The workshop is just starting. Saadi
is preparing to ‘go into sacred space’. Kamae comments that it is hot in the
room and start pulling down her leggings there and then, in the circle.
Later she had her first (unrecognized) stroke and her speech became blurred.
She told us how difficult it was, as bus drivers and shop personnel in
Scotland treated her ‘like a moron’. She could no longer appear as she
really was.
Later that evening we are having dinner with a little party of people. One
of them takes over and starts ordering for her. Boy, did she get angry!
Whatever is happening, she doesn’t want to be pampered and insists on
arranging her own business.
The door is always open
Saadi and Kamae used to frequent PTA, the Peace through the Arts Camps in
England that later gave way to the Sacred Arts Camps
On our very first PTA in 1993, Kamae would start some sessions by walking.
She’d shout: ‘Mars! Venus! Jupiter!’ without any further comment or
instructions. We didn’t have a clue what it was all about, but were
fascinated.
At that Camp Ariënne and I decided that if we’d give dance workshops, we’d
start with walking. We did later that same year (with a song, for us then
safer than the Planets!) and we still do.
Usually Saadi would lead. When first presenting the Goddess Cycle at PTA,
some years later – a creation of the two of them – he invited Kamae to join
him leading. ‘No, you go ahead, you’re much better at it than I am.’
But at another time she did a PTA workshop on her own. It was the only one
we ever experienced and it was beautiful. The spirit of both Kamae and Miss
Ruth came alive there and then. Ya Jamil throughout!
She did something with Ya Fatah – I cannot remember what – and commented:
‘Ya Fatah means the door is always open.’
I was in my early days of Sufism and remember running to my tent after the
workshop. This I had to write down!
I didn’t realize it then, but now I know Kamae, by giving this free
translation and the full blast of her own realization, showed me the way to
realizing wasifas, rather than memorizing them or writing other people’s
words down.
Russian tent
At PTA, the Russian dance delegation had their own tent, aptly named ‘the
Russian tent’. This was the place to be after the evening sessions, as
Vitaly, Vashudeva, Jamila, Ilona, Volodya and all the others would play and
sing Russian songs, serve tea – Russian style with cookies and other sweets
– and create the Russian atmosphere.
I was invited to play with them and had the time of my life. I almost
drowned in the atmosphere, at that time completely new to me.
Kamae came to me afterwards and commented: ‘I always cry a lot when I am in
Russia. But I love to go there for I love to cry!’
Blushing
We were in St. Petersburg and stayed in Ilona’s flat. It was a few months
after Saadi and Kamae had been there. Two single beds, Ariënne in one, me in
the other. That night I kept having very strong visions of Kamae, so the
next morning I told Ariënne: ‘I must have slept in the same bed as Kamae.’
Later that year we met Kamae and I told her: ‘I spent the whole night with
you when I was in St. Petersburg.’
It is the only time I saw her blush.
Washing machine
PTA again, 1993. Saadi and Kamae are doing a session of SAM every morning,
spiced with some Miss Ruth and other teachers of SAM.
One of the mornings, the parallel program in the other marquee is The Wave,
the 5 rhythms of Gabrielle Roth.
We hear the sound of distant drums drifting toward our tent. DUM DAPPA DUM
DAPPA DUM.
Kamae: ‘Sounds just like my washing machine.’
Wali & Ariënne
***
The first Dance camp I ever attended was with Murshida Kamae as the guest teacher in Harrisburg PA. She was fiery, irreverent, and Gaia-sized, with piercing eyes that saw everything. For the first time, I experienced several Dances from the Native Middle Eastern Cycle: Seasonal Invocations to the Goddess, which Murshida Kamae was the co-creator of, along with Murshid Saadi Neil Douglas-Klotz.
As we Danced Ashera, the scene before me dissolved and we danced deep in a cave around a brilliant fire in the center. I saw clearly the flickering black shadows on the cave walls surrounding our circle. I felt a Force come into my Dancing, my belly, hips, legs, feet, and I moved with a passion and power I hadn’t felt before in the Dances of Universal Peace.
The next day, two different people came up to me and said, “Did you know you were embodying Divine Feminine energy last night?!” “Yes,” I said, and asked the second person, “But how did you know?” “Kamae told us,” she said.
Takes One to know one, Murshida! Until we meet again, beloved Teacher…
Love,
Farrunnissa
I first met Kamae as Carol in Minneapolis – she appeared at our local Dance meeting, having just moved from New York City, in 1974 or 1975. I was planning to move to San Francisco to join Khankah Sam in 1976 but things changed, I didn’t go but she did. It felt to both of us that she took my spot – and serendipitous that was. I followed about 3 years later. Tables were turned and she was welcoming me into the KSam community. I have many many memories of Kamae – sharing in publications office work, mailing list work, KSam workdays, cooking together, her decadent chocolate mousse, Saturday night Dance class, walks class with Khadija Meyer, KSam food shopping, trips to Mitchell’s ice cream parlor, Thanksgiving dinners, visits to Dr Louie for our ankles, knees, & other injuries, and many many Ruhaniat board of trustee meetings. She introduced me to many beloved authors and we shared many books. Our lives and hearts were entwined in many ways for many years. Blessings, friend, until we meet again.
Khalida, as we knew her at the time, was my very first spiritual teacher when I was a member of what was her very first “candidates’ class” around 35 years ago. We had such a roaring good time that the class went on for weeks past when it was originally scheduled to end. I haven’t had contact with her in many years but her joyful energy has remained a very real part of how I engage the world..
Beloveds,
Last year Zubin in Netherlands asked for letters for Kamae; here is mine, Insh’Allah appreciating and documenting shared experience as this precious spiritual transmission with which we are entrusted finds its way into the life and story of this planet. Thanks, Beloved Sister; may your legacy live on and awaken hearts as Allah wills.
Khadija Goforth
Beloved Kamae Amrapali,
1. HOSPITALITY Gratitude for your extending the hand of sisterhood when I was a young “murette” visiting the Bay Area, new to the larger Ruhaniat community, not yet knowing anyone. When I arrived for jamiats, etc. you were always welcoming and, however busy, offered a place in your home, a shared meal or two, community updates, and time to connect.
2. VEHICULAR THERAPY Somewhere between being socially-conditioned “nice ladies” and “(politically/ spiritually correct) meditators” we simultaneously awakened to a lifetime of suppressed “fem-rage.” Remember driving through gridlocked Marin traffic with the car windows rolled up while (therapeutically) screaming and yelling about traffic as well as all forms of injustice, historic/current, personal/transpersonal and otherwise? I will never know whether we changed traffic or the world, but breath moved more easily after speaking up.
3. NEW SOLUTIONS Once at an ‘80s Sufi Camp a vestige of patriarchy was holding forth… every gathering seemed to be a chance for the (young) men teachers to get up and instruct the rest of us all about life. While I wanted to argue or at least offer other, possibly feminine/ist perspectives, you suggested that those of us who objected (1) sit together and (2) stand up and leave en masse when things began feeling oppressive. They did. We did. In our immediate experience at least, oppression ceased.
4. WOMEN of SUBSTANCE Based upon the above experience(s) I loved joining with you and others, founding the (informal, esoteric) “Women of Substance” circle, seeking to empower women, especially those who didn’t conform to (even Sufi) society’s patterns of appearance, behavior, and dress. Membership consists simply of recognition with no dues or meetings. At a time when “ethereal beauty” was the standard it was particularly healing to affiliate with women embodying other, equally-but-differently valuable feminine archetypes. I still enjoy occasionally surprising new members with this recognition.
5. GENEROSITY When you began traveling as a spiritual teacher I remember you starting on one coast with an armload of huge bubble mailing envelopes and at every cross-country train stop packing them full of gifts for nieces, nephews, Godchildren…always running by the post office on your way out of town. I also remember shopping trips with you at San Rafael’s “ROSS Dress for Less” store where you purchased plus-sized clothing, less available in the late 70’s and early 80’s, for “substantial” women friends living elsewhere.
6. SERVICE Our 1981(?) LAMA retreat with Murshid Wali Ali and Sheikh Jelaluddin was life-changing. All month long a dozen of us worked together upgrading Murshid SAM’s gravesite, hauling rose pink quartz rocks from the mountain, then scrubbing them before placing them around the grave. There was so much love, working together in silence on the mountain, laying stone foundations for our adult lives and Work which will, Insh’Allah ultimately outlive us all. I remember that retreat marking a turning point in our friendship.
7. HER OWN VOICE I admired your integrity in researching and editing the book “Wisdom Comes Dancing” based on the contributions of “Miss Ruth” St. Denis. Rather than putting your own perspectives between readers and one of our Dances of Universal Peace spiritual ancestors, you determinedly let Miss Ruth speak in her own voice as much as possible.
8. UNSEEN HANDS As Murshid Saadi’s work expanded and was published widely, those close to you were aware that although the work was presented by him, in the way of wise and powerful women throughout history you chose an important though differently-visible role. I always experienced Saadi’s appreciation to you as his partner in the opening pages of his books as not simply well-mannered gratitude but genuine acknowledgment of your profound contribution on every level.
Murshid Moineddin told me that Khadija was the murshida/teacher of Prophet Mohammed. I have no authority to know whether this is true or not…but I saw Saadi’s revolutionary work arise in the vast container and with the feedback you so lovingly (and sometimes fiercely) offered in a similar manner.
9. TWO FRIENDS, ONE HEART Visits to your Fairfax, CA home often began with a walk to Pir Dahan, the Rock of the Prophet overlooking the original khankah established by Pir-o-Murshid Inayat Khan’s early mureeds. One day, after meditating, I remember sitting, spontaneously sketching images arising in our heart. Afterward we laughed, discovering that our drawings were mirror images… two friends, One Heart.
10. MOVING ON For years after founding Khankah SAM, Wali Ali & Khadija Meyer were available 24/7 to the development of its residents. At one point you and Saadi appeared ready to take on that responsibility. Just when it was time to pass on the job, you received inner guidance to move to Fairfax, CA to found the Center for the Dances of Universal Peace. It took great courage to follow inner guidance into pioneering places, trusting the khankah community to also find its way as it has.
11. LIVING IT In the early post-Murshid SAM days there was an occasionally-voiced opinion that only original (a) mureeds of (b) Murshid SAM could effectively lead Dances. You traveled and transmitted the legacy of our lineage to both mureeds and those of many paths, expanding the scope of the worldwide Dance community. You didn’t waste time arguing your viewpoint; you lived it, inclusively, welcoming and empowering all.
12. UK PILGRIMAGE On our 1994 family Christmas visit to England, you and Saadi took us to every sacred site within driving distance of your Dorset home. Beginning at Cerne Abbas, we proceeded to Avebury, Stonehenge, Chalice Well, Glastonbury… a profound pilgrimage into planetary sacred history. Although I baptized our daughter Jamiell, then 10, at Chalice Well, the Cerne Abbas giant is her strongest recollection!
13. FAR & WIDE One of the first Dances of Universal Peace & Sacred Walk teachers to travel worldwide, you transmitted not only form and technique but the heart-transmission at their source. I was moved at your insistence upon empowering local circles and leaders rather than emphasizing your role or in any way making yourself central to the circles or relationships you helped birth. As this work has taken root and flowered, the strength of both European Ruhaniat and Dance circles reflects both your generosity and respect. HOW you transmitted this work stands equally with WHAT you transmitted.
14. ADOPTION Once, in a familial moment, we contemplated adopting the last name “Lewis.” Later I discovered that Lewis is one of my ancestral family names from the same area in Wales/England that your ancestors are from.
I always remember Kamae’s big heart – when we met, she always asked how our kids are. She was interested in you as a person.
I am very thankful for her “imperfect Being” – allowing to face and love my own imperfect Being – but at the same time being a great teacher
I am very thankful for the native middle eastern cycle, which is also inspired by Kamae and definitely Saadi. These dances are very powerful and beautiful. Especially Shaddai is so inspiring. This dance is part of our annual girls initiation ritual at the German Dance Camp – so dancing this dance I always feel the connection with Kamae Amrapali Ashera,
I am thankful for her way of teaching the walks –
I remember, when I came back from Australia, introducing the “Tassawuri Kangaroo” – Kamae burst out laughing – but she also jumped through Kuckucksnest like the Kangaroo’s
I remember Kamae at PTA in the 90s – I always had birthday during camp and she was part of the birthday celebration, sharing cake and stories, rain and sun…
Thank you Kamae for all you shared in wisdom, love and Beauty for the benefit of all Beings
With Love and gratitude
Michael Ali
May all Beings be well and happy
Peace Peace Peace
As several have written, Murshida Kamae made a unique and lasting contribution to our Sufi and Dance work. I have written more extensively about this in the memorial book for her that Zubin Westrik compiled last year (article pasted as separate post below). Inshallah, it can be made available through this site. She touched many people and when active was a wise, compassionate and patient guide to her mureeds.
I remember her personally, and most deeply, as a person of great courage and endurance. Her original Sufi name Khalida means endurance. She came from a very troubled family background, in which self-abuse, and treating close loved ones as oneself, was a common theme. She struggled with these demons during the whole time I knew her. She didn’t expect to live beyond her
mother’s age (40 something) and then not past her father’s (same age she would have been this year). That she lived so long, and died of natural causes, was a triumph. Mostly she was able to overcome these challenges, particularly in her work with her Sufi mureeds.
I am saying this because Kamae was by nature honest to a fault, and disliked airy-fairy New Age talk, which she called “woo-woo.” Also because she was willing to go ahead and be of service, even in the midst of dealing with substantial inner turmoil most of her life. Her life proves that one doesn’t need to be a “perfect” teacher, or a “perfect” human being, in order to change the world around one and help people profoundly. The real teacher points beyond herself, rather than to herself.
My heartfelt condolences to those who were her mureeds. She always cared about you, even when she was unable to respond. Those who maintained an inner connection to her, even when she was not outwardly active, will know that this link continues and opens further, as Murshida Kamae has now travelled further.
Ya Hayyo Ya Qayoom!
Love and blessings,
Saadi
In the 1970s, I lived in the San Francisco Bay area when Kamae and Saadi lived at the newly established Khankah SAM. On occasion we would sit in the kitchen of the Mentorgarten and eat corn chips with salsa and sour cream. I was serving as the Ruhaniat secretary at the time, so had reason to visit the Khankah offices on a regular basis, where they were involved in the Publications segment of the Order. One time I remember ever so clearly arriving on Army Street and parking my little VW Rabbit. There was Kamae standing in the window of the Dharma Room of the Mentorgarten looking out. But I did not see Kamae. I saw the Buddha.
Ya Salaam Beloved Sister,
Najat Fatima Roberts
Henderson Nevada
Kamae was first and foremost my very dear friend, and Sufism was the vehicle which brought us together in 1976. Ironically, I shared a cabin at Mendocino Sufi camp with Saadi and two of my dear women friends, and Saadi and I were initiated then – and I don’t think he knew Khalida until he moved to San Francisco. But perhaps he met her at the camp.
I became buddies with Khalida and Zarifah (who has also written here) at that camp, and later all of us including Saadi were on the board of directors of SIRS – some of us for quite some years, in fact, nearly a decade. That’s a work where you get to know people, and we had the responsibility of dealing with a lot of – STUFF. Oh, no, Mr. Bill! (Inside joke, ask Arzani or Zarifah.)
Speaking of Arzani, Khalida took her under her wing when they lived in the Khankah, and never let her be lonely when she was single. You’d see Arzani, Saadi and Khalida together all the time. Khalida took me under her wing, too, listening when I had a few dark nights of the soul, sometimes as a result of a few dark knights. Big warm, all embracing hugs, making it all OK. One person I knew for sure loved me very much, never a doubt.
Hearing her say “Ooga-booga!” Frequently. Never sure exactly what prompted it but it was funny and that was the intention.
Mostly I see us then as two Sagitarrius women laughing, sharing deeply, all trust, nothing out of limits, discussing how people are, and what spiritual premises we believed in or did not, sometimes tears, mine then, hers in Edinburgh, what we were reading, sitting in her kitchen in Fairfax in our underwear when it was hot. She hated the heat. Me, hoping Saadi didn’t come home unexpectedly while in that getup, or lack of it.
Her step – light as a feather, a lot of air in it, surprising in a Big Lady. So graceful. Now when I see people with larger physiques dancing gracefully, I see Kamae.
No baloney, no hidden agendas, if she was angry, she let you know and then let it go.
After her strokes, of course, much changed, but, still we had our friendship. Having had a mother-in-law with Alzheimer’s prepared me for a friendship with someone who had a hard time with her life as it had altered.
I have been missing her a lot in these last couple of years when email became difficult and then impossible for her.
I so regret not making another trip to Edinburgh recently, but, I stayed in touch with her regardless and I know she knew I loved her completely.
I am heartbreakingly glad she is released from and relieved of her unwilling body and turmoil and dancing with Ruth and Murshid SAM.
Ya Fatah and Ooga-booga, Beloved.
Qahira
When I remember my beloved Teacher Kamae Amrapali, I could talk about many different situations where she touches and inspired me to live my live simple and in love. This was her teaching, there is no right and no wrong. When Your heart is open, You are on the right path.Evervtime when I met her, she rearly wanted to know how I am, and she wanted to know with real interest something about my family, my brother, my sister, my daughter,about the dancegroup in greece and so on. She presented to me her open ear, and I could fall into a space of timelessness, like being with my mother. Especially because the last time I could`nt understand her so well, I everytime remember the breath and when we sit beside each other, we fall into one breath, and there was it again, timelessness, space, love.
When I dance the cycle of the “great mother dances” You are present Kamae Amrapali,and in the walks and healing ritual and everywhere in the dances and in normal live, in eating ice cream, having fun with each other, You will be there.
Thank You so much for You, being still there, Murshida Kamae !
Ya Wadud
Sagara Sophia
We have had the pleasure to meet Kamae 10 years ago on her trip to the Holy Land.A Lady with a huge Heart and so much Goodness that I will never forget……When she knew we were having a very hard time to hold on in Nazareth,she didn’t hesitate for a minute to set up a way to contribute and helpwith ordering items from us that she would than sell on on her travels…….
A candle for Kamae at the Holy Sepulcher Church in Jerusalem.May her soul be in peace and rest.
Our most sincere condolences from Nazareth.
Elias and Martina
I never forget her great embraces – in the nineties in Germany.
Thankful having met her
Gabriele
I have wonderful memories of Kalida / Kamae from the Quarterly Dance Camps at Pescadero and also at Mendocino Camp in Northern CA. in the 80s and 90s. Also many great Walks and Dances at the mentor Garden in SF were some of the best times I remember! The hardy laugh and wisdom, as well as her big hugs and being her authentic self was so very real and memorable to me. I know Kamae is dancing with Sam and all the other great beings of light that are in our angelic Sufi Family. Thank you for being such a wonderful part of my life and teaching us how to live in love harmony and beauty! Ya Fataah! Blessings of Love and Light, Anahita
Thank you dear Kamae Amrapali for your wonderful friendship, your spiritual guidance, your humour, your amazing honesty and your enormous understanding heart. Now free to fly – travel well dear one.
Just found this in November 2014… coming up on Kamae’s birthday.
Kneeling in the mentorgarden for prayers spoken out loud in unison. The strength and conviction in her voice gave me courage.
Her sense of play that would flash out at all kinds of deliciously inappropriate times.
The insight when called upon to take sides. She would simply look down the road a piece and explain the ultimate unfolding of things if we denied the one heart.
Books, books, books… shelves bending under books.
Kamae taught me how to shop for clothes. Disregard size – just pick things you like, the size doesn’t matter. You’ll know if you like it and you can find one bigger or smaller if needed.
I learned quite a lot about friendship from Kamae, all in lessons she wasn’t meaning to teach. She was doing other stuff.
Kamae had a “walk” when she was happy and excited. Short quick steps, lifting the knees high akimbo, feet about 1cm above the ground.
Although she didn’t have to, Kamae delivered my portion of communal groceries for several months after Sophia was born.
Kamae did large things in life… but she made small things large in meaning.
Her commitment to women and the feminine.
Best hugger ever. She wrapped her arms around you and drew you in to her considerable warm softeness and held you there with an assuring squeeze.
May the Message of God Spread Far and Wide!