URS date: October 8, 2021
An Emissary of the Message
It’s my honor and pleasure, as Qayyum/Salim Bob Dellacona’s guide and friend for many decades, to offer a few words in his honor.
Those who know him, know what a special person he is, and I do mean is, for he is right here with us now.
As Qayyum had been ill for many years, his was a slow motion death ..….. and because of this pace, we blessedly had a number of opportunities for goodbyes. Though he was on the edge of death numerous times, like his name…. Qayyum, the Remainer, (the one who eternally exists) he stayed with us again and again.
On one occasion he told me how his spirit was ready and wanting to move on, but his body remained insistent in its corporeal clutch. At that point I offered a new name, Salim and in the months remaining despite severe and unrelenting pain, he remained inwardly in a state of Peace.
Without knowing it, we can SLEEP walk through our relationships, assuming we will have another day, another year. But Qayyum’s precarious presence in this form world, made such sleep walking impossible. Encounters with him brought a sense of ultra-aliveness for we knew viscerally that each conversation, each hug, each email or phone call might truly be the last one. So friendship with Qayyum became a portal into liminal space. Pure presence…Such a beautiful gift.
Qayyum’s early life was soaked in violence, abuse and trauma. And as with so many such souls who suffer early wounding, he turned for relief to alcohol and drugs which took him on a dark journey. Through his willingness to face his life and what it was becoming, he sought help and was supported by AA. In his years of sobriety, he also entered into a deep and extended period of psychoanalysis.
Through this inner process he faced and uprooted the deep legacy of trauma. He found the Sufis and with it the support to find his wings.. As in all endeavors that Qayyum undertook, he took the path of mureedship with great sincerity and full heartedness.
He did his work, leaving no stone left unturned and as a result, those of us who knew him witnessed his transformation into a being of pure generosity, light and love. He became a shining One.
Qayyum was not only an emissary for the message of AA , sponsoring many others, giving talks and inspiring hundreds of souls wanting to make the turn, but he was also a messenger of the Sufi path of love, harmony and beauty.
Qayyum is described by his many friends and family members as a beloved friend, an inspiration, a hero, a man who walked his talk.
May you travel on dear friend, knowing that you leave a trail of grace behind you.
Taj Inayat
Here are some of the comments on Facebook which reflect his unique and special being:
Thank you for your generosity, humor and love. You lived a life of service with incredible strength and grace. You were one of a kind. A pure and gentile soul who helped countless people with their struggles.
Bob was a big bro to me – a mentor, a teacher, an unbeatable friend, a leader by example, a mystic, occasionally an irreverent riot of a funny guy, and so much more. He helped uncountable numbers of people around him in more ways than he knew, and I hope he had some sense of how much people love him.
One of the purest and best human beings I’ve ever known. He touched and changed so many lives, and I’ll always be honored to count him a friend.
Our loving, funny, kind, impish, gentle Bob Dellacona left us today.
Bob lived a remarkable and beautiful life in the same apartment in the West Village for more than 5 decades. Bob was 46 years sober and helped so many others get there, too. Bob was always searching and doing the work. He was a Sufi and cherished the works of Rumi + Hafez. He had great taste, was always dressed sharp and could do one-armed push-ups long after he got his diagnosis.
Bob had more friends than literally anyone I’ve ever known. He made every one of them feel special – because they were to him. If you were gay, sober and living in NYC, I’d bet you knew Bob. He hosted us all in Pawling and Fire Island, year after year. There were dinners, and birthdays and every holiday. There were endless conversations in front of the fireplace about important things and really unimportant things. He never made up his mind without asking all of us “what would you do?”
Bob was my surrogate dad, my father in law, my uncle and my true friend all in one. Best of all, Bob was the confidant, the co-conspirator of all things indulgent and outrageous, and the most loving grandfather to the 3Dells-the absolute loves of his life, Scarlett, Evie + Max.
How lucky were all of us to know and to love Bob.
Candace Dellacona, niece